The Better Part of Me

It’s 9:30 a.m. on Sunday, May 28, 2017, and the start of what is shaping up to be the most important journey of my life. It’s a different type of journey than what I’m accustomed to taking this time of year. I won’t be leaving for a rainforest excursion to Costa Rica or Alaska like I did in the summer of 2015, nor will I be embarking on another writing sabbatical abroad like I did when I visited Belize last June. No, today begins a personal journey of self-discovery that I feel is necessary for me to complete my book.

I mentioned in my last post that my identical twin brother Justin was recently engaged. After 11 years of living together, the time has come for the two of us to move out and move on with our lives. I say 11 years but it’s actually been much longer than that. Besides the four years we spent apart in college, we have technically lived together for 30 of the almost 34 years we have been alive, not including those nine months inside the womb.

We grew up together. Dressed the same. Attended the same classes. Played on the same teams. Shared the same rooms, cars, and experiences. Most of our family and friends still refer to us simply as “the twins.” Being an identical twin is a unique experience in itself, but Justin is far more than a brother to me. He is my business partner, my trusted advisor, my traveling buddy, my confidant, my editor, and my best friend.

We might be identical, but our personalities couldn’t be any different. I’m abstract. He’s logical. I view life through the color of creativity, while he sees it through the black and white world of finance. I’m a little more easygoing. He is the disciplinarian. The one who plans our schedules a year in advance and who makes damn well sure I stick to mine!

For more than a decade, we have made personal sacrifices to help each other succeed. We have shared a single-minded vision during this time and have worked diligently to achieve our goals. Without him, I would never have started our education nonprofit organization called Impossible Possibilities, nor would I have made it this far with my book. He is my biggest fan, and if not for his constant encouragement, I would have given up on my dream a long time ago.

As I write this blog, Justin is in the other room consolidating the feedback I recently received from the three professional editors I hired. He knows it will be easier for me to digest their edits in one document, so he’s going out of his way to help me. Editors have their own unique perspectives, which is both good and bad. It’s good because an editor like Catherine has a background in medicine and can offer a quick tip on the proper protocol for a nurse that the other two editors might overlook.

The downside occurs when two or more editors have contrasting opinions about a technical aspect of the story, such as structure. This is where it starts to get tricky from the author’s point of view because how do I know whose advice to take? I had expected a more uniform response that offered clarity, but I feel like I received the opposite.

I hadn’t anticipated this type of dilemma, nor had I planned to spend my summer rewriting a story I previously regarded as finished. The one consensus between the three editors centers on the main character of the book, Maven. All three agree that there is something lacking with him. That he is not as well defined as the others.

This is where my personal journey begins. In two weeks, l will move into my own place. It will be the first time in my life that I have lived by myself without a roommate. I feel that all of this is happening for a reason and at just the right time for me to rediscover who I am as an individual and not as a twin. Most importantly, I feel that as I learn more about myself, I will also uncover more about Maven’s character in the process.

As it stands, Maven loses his memory in the first chapter after he is struck by lightning. He doesn’t know who he is, and he doesn’t yet understand the plan that I, the author of his story, have for his life. It’s the same way I sometimes struggle to understand the plan that God, the author of my story, has for my life.

I finally think it’s time to go back and rewrite this part of Maven’s story so he understands his true identity. I recently enrolled in a 10-week summer writing class as a way to help me stay on track and finish what I started so many years ago. There is something missing with Maven’s story—my story—that can only be answered as I continue along this personal journey of introspection in search of the better part of me, because until I have a better understanding of who I am, I will never fully know who Maven is…and neither will my readers.

Follow me on Instagram at @Joshua_Maven or @HonchotheVan, on Twitter @MaventheRaven or Facebook at Facebook/TheLastImperial.