Going Back to My First Love
t’s 8:00 p.m. on Sunday, June 2, 2019, and I’m sitting in front of my computer thinking about where to go from here. Life isn’t always what you expect it to be. It can change in an instant, for better or worse, and right now it feels a whole lot worse than it does better.
My girlfriend and I ended our relationship yesterday. There are no hard feelings though, and I have no regrets. She is moving across country to pursue her passion of becoming a doctor. It was one of the qualities that I have always admired the most about her.
She was my partner in crime, my travel companion, my camping buddy, and my best friend. But our relationship was so much more than that. We went to church together, prayed together, worshipped together, did our best to lift each other up spiritually.
I gave her more of me than anyone I have ever dated before, and maybe that’s where the problem first began. Looking back, I realize I was helping her pursue her life goals, while mine slowly fell by the wayside. It’s not her fault though. Everything changed for me two years ago in May of 2017 when my editors suggested I restructure my book. It was a feeling of sadness and loss oddly similar to breaking up.
I had invested so much of myself into writing the first version of my book, and I was not emotionally prepared to let go. I tried to hold on when I should have just picked up the pieces and moved forward. Five months later in October 2017, I walked into my optometrist's office for a routine eye exam. The technician was a beautiful brunette with a spirited laugh and a smile that lit up the room. One look into my dark brown eyes and the rest was history!
She came into my life when I needed her the most. The year-and-a-half we spent together diverted my attention into something positive and helped heal the hole I felt in my heart at the time. Relationships are tough. They require a long-term commitment that neither of us can give to one other at this point in our lives, not when we are still chasing down our first loves.
I’ve seen first-hand how hard she has worked for this opportunity, and I know it will take everything she has over the next four years to achieve her dreams of becoming an optometrist. Watching her struggle to achieve her dreams has reminded me what it’s going to take to achieve my own. It’s about time I start writing again in earnest. I’m not sure I ever would have if things hadn’t played out the way they did.
It’s up to me to turn this experience into something positive. I just booked a plane ticket and will be heading back to the beaches of Belize toward the end of the month. It will be nice to get away for a little while, clear my mind, and complete the outline for the new version of my book that’s six months overdue. My faith has taught me that everything happens for a reason, and as much as I wish things had worked out differently between us, I also realize my relationship with Maven is the most important in my life right now.
Follow me on Instagram at @Joshua_Maven or @HonchotheVan, on Twitter @MaventheRaven or Facebook at Facebook/TheLastImperial.
Postcards to Samuel
It's 8:00 p.m. on Wednesday, July 31, 2024, and I'm trying something a little different with this post. Instead of my usual blog format, I compiled a series of postcards that I wrote to my 10-month-old son, Samuel, during a two-week road trip I recently took to the Great Lakes. I plan to give him these postcards, along with others from future trips, when he's older in hopes that they will inspire him to chase his own dreams, whatever those might be.
False Summit
It’s 12:00 p.m. on Sunday, July 30, 2023, and I’m lounging at the beach enjoying the white sands and green waters of Florida’s Emerald Coast. Today is my 40th birthday and a relaxing getaway is exactly what I needed after a two-week road trip out west, where I hiked the highest peaks of Colorado and Arizona. The reasoning behind my latest excursion was simple: if I’m going to be “over the hill,” then I might as well be standing on top of a mountain.
Recharged
It’s 2:00 p.m. on Friday, Sept. 16, 2022, and I’m resting inside Honcho—my van—at the Taos Ski Valley Resort after successfully hiking Wheeler Peak, New Mexico’s highest point. I made the long drive west for a much-needed mental health getaway in nature. That, and it was a good excuse for me to test a new house battery I had installed the week before. Needless to say, my lungs and legs are physically exhausted after my 13,000-foot climb this morning, but the satisfaction that comes from summiting another mountain is just the feeling I was looking for.
